Without this moment, my friends — deep in midlife, with set careers and fixed routines — would not have learned what else they’re capable of.

He did, Colbert replied. Its a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. Theres no escaping that. I dont want it to have happened. I want it not to have happened, but if you are grateful for your life … then you have to be grateful for all of it. You cant pick and choose what youre grateful for.
When my friends and I talk about the three years since President Trumps election, we most often fixate on all thats gone wrong, not just in the world, but in us.
Were all older, naturally. But were also angrier. Sadder. More cynical. Jills grinding her teeth in her sleep. Barbs cross-aisle marriage has imploded. Maryanns holiday meals have become acrimonious family battlefields. Were all less patient, more stressed. We sleep less. If the studies are right, were also having less sex, downing more antidepressantsand maintaining a historically unhealthy rate of alcohol consumption.
Nor are there many signs of imminent relief. With the impeachment trial vacillating between fiasco and tragedy, its tempting to see our glasses as half empty and draining rapidly.
And yet. When I take a breath and try to look at the situation clearly, I see the things filling my cup, too. Some are mundane: Ive gotten a crash refresher in the civics I first learned in fifth grade. I now know both the names of my state legislators and congressional representatives and the boundaries of their districts. I know what gerrymandering is. I know how to get a resolution introduced into a city council meeting. I know how to organize a march, what the First Amendment allows while picketing in public spaces, and which questions to ask at a town hall meeting.
More importantly, in an era of distractions, my friends and I have cultivated attention, the currency of love and the most basic form of generosity. Were spending that attention on things that many of us had been ignoring things that have always mattered but that, pre-Trump, were too often peripheral to our privileged or overstuffed lives.
Now were not turning away when racists in the checkout line attempt to intimidate someone speaking a language other than English. Now were raising money and sending lawyers to the border when parents are separated from their children. Were watching. Were paying attention. Were acting.
Pundits lament the tribalization of the American populace. They evoke images of people poised to defend their own by attacking others.
Whats lost in that metaphor is the way this era has also sparked a thousand new friendships. If Trump hadnt been inflicted on us, I might never have met the people who have been working on domestic violence issues or the overcrowding of our county jail. If it werent for Trump, Id have avoided national controversy and vicious personal attacks when my business refused service to a powerful government official but Id also never have met supporters like the Army veteran who served six tours in Afghanistan or the second-generation Korean American restaurateur from Los Angeles people with rich and dramatic lives I could never have imagined.
Stephanie Wilkinson: I own the Red Hen restaurant that asked Sarah Sanders to leave. Resistance isnt futile.
Without this moment, my friends deep in midlife, with set careers and fixed routines would not have learned what else theyre capable of.
Weve also gained a clarity of mind. We see the flaws in others more plainly, for sure, but the essential goodness of so many, too. Despite the misinformation enveloping us, weve become sharper. We can spot a bad-faith argument at 50 paces. Were no longer blindsided by rhetoric that deflects and confuses instead of enlightens and engages. We can see the forest and the trees.
While I cant claim to have his secure faith in a benevolent universe, I will happily borrow a lesson from Colbert. I dont want Trump to have happened. I want him not to have happened. But if Im going to be grateful for the good that has been revealed in his wake and the growth that has occurred in my friends and me because of it, I have to be grateful in some small measure to him, too.
So, thank you, Donald Trump. Your regrettable time in office has brought many of us closer together, forged unexpected bonds, revealed hidden strengths, retaught us the basics of democracy, reminded us of values wed taken for granted, and prompted us to link arms in support of each other and our beloved community.
For those gifts, however unintended, I am grateful.
Read more:
Stephanie Wilkinson: We gather together, with knives out
Alexandra Petri: Dare we overturn the will of the voters by holding another election?
Paul Waldman: What Democrats must do when impeachment is over
Stephanie Wilkinson: When it comes to high-profile collisions in restaurants, new rules apply
Fareed Zakaria: Its hard to be an optimist about America right now