03/03/2023

Which franchise has the hottest vampires? Let’s discuss.

Summit
It pains me to put the Twilight squad so low on the list, especially after the hundreds of thousands of words worth of horny fanfic I’ve devoured about Edward Cullen. But when it comes to vampires, Stephenie Meyer’s are some of the least sexy. Oh, sure, they’re beautiful (terrible wigs and contact lenses notwithstanding), and even the sparkling thing isn’t really a problem. The problem is they do not fuck. They are some of the least sexed-up vampires ever invented. Even if you take the 108-year-old virgin out of the picture, the rest of the vampires only seem to bang in a post-marriage, monogamous, very Mormon way.